Bad nights sleep

It was probably the fact that i decided to start exercising at half 11 at night that meant I couldnt get to sleep until 2 am. But then i woke up at 6 am! and i'd like to blame it on one of my cats who was outside my bedroom door, but all she did was squeak once and i was wide awake, so clearly i was already going to wake up whether she squeaked or not. I'm now trying to ignore my other cat who's at the window desperately trying to get my attention so i let her in, but she only went out about 6 minutes ago, so im letting her sweat for a little longer before she comes back in.

I think the fact i had such a bad nights sleep was that i remembered just how much work i have to do for monday, and because im working all this weekend, it leaves me with just today to do it all, because yesterday i spent 11 hours on the internet, with nothing to show for it.

And then of course there's Amie. The girl i am in love with completely, madly, deeply. But she's with someone else and it's so complicatd and i realised that we were probably never going to be "happy ever after " like we talked about.
Learnt alot through that relationship, like not to break up after the first little thing goes wrong. I wish i could take it all back, its been 6 months and im still obsessing over her.

But now back to the work, i have 3 essays, 2 powerpoint presentations and king lear critics to read for monday. It's going to be thrilling.

internet trails

It's kinda scary if you think about it, just think of all the places you've signed up to on the internet, what a funny trail that would make.

For me it would be various and random bands, followed by a few lesbian sites, rarely visited. then several blogs with limited posts, and things that ive tried but then forgotten about like aim.

This site is just one of the many where i spend my time, i need to get out more, but i like being inside, pretending im a tortured soul when really i just crave attention and affection, not tortured, just selfish.

It's only when you get to be alone for a long length of time that you start wondering who you are and what all the little clubs and internet sites you've joined represent about you and how well you really know yourself at all.

I realise i dont know who i am, so often i feel outside of my body that to actually feel like "me" scares me now, im much more comfortable just watching myself, normally fall flat on my face because i never look where im going.

well that was uplifting....